Healthy parent‐child relationships first form primarily through caregivers’ intensive efforts to meet the social emotional and physical needs of their infants and toddlers.
To be a good mom is a very important mission. Everything stars from relationship habits to their children. The subconscious mind stores whatever it is fed through the five senses and thoughts and then attempts to act out the strongest message it receives. There are specific affirmations for each stage of growth and child development. Shad Helmstetter states in his book, “What to Say When You Talk to Your Kids,” the brain contains our attitudes and beliefs, directs and controls our feelings and emotions, determines our actions, and for the most part creates our successes and failures in life.” Affirmations are positive messages given to help develop desirable ways for a child to think, feel and behave. It is anything said or done to let children know that you believe they are lovable and capable. Affirmations encourage self-esteem but they must be sincere or they become crazy-making double-bind messages. In this case is very important that mothers to know these facts and to be very careful with their behavior habits with their children.
Suggestions for giving affirmation
1. Make a container for each child to store their affirmations in once they get home. Use an empty clear plastic peanut butter jar. Allow each child to decorate their jar using different colored permanent markers. Place the first affirmation in the jar at the end of the evening. Each week a new affirmation may be added to the jar.
2. Cut different shapes of objects or animals on different colored paper, (firm paper is best). Write an affirmation on each shape, choosing a different one each week. Small children who can’t read will be able to remember what their message is by the color and shape rather than the words. Repeat the new message to the child daily.
3. Place the affirmations in a basket. Let your child pick three affirmations each night and read them to him or her as you tuck them into bed. Use affirmations for you to change negative self-messages into positive self-messages. Working with affirmations is powerful and can make changes in your thinking in a short period of time.
Create Your Own Quality Time
- Play with your children. Let them choose the activity, and don’t worry about rules. Just go with the flow and have fun. That’s the name of the game.
- Read books together every day. Get started when he’s a newborn; babies love listening to the sound of their parents’ voices. Cuddling up with your child and a book is a great bonding experience that will set him up for a lifetime of reading.
- Schedule daily special time. Let your child choose an activity where you hang out together for 10 or 15 minutes with no interruptions. There’s no better way for you to show your love.
- Encourage daddy time. The greatest untapped resource available for improving the lives of our children is time with Dad — early and often. Kids with engaged fathers do better in school, problem-solve more successfully, and generally cope better with whatever life throws at them.
- Make warm memories. Your children will probably not remember anything that you say to them, but they will recall the family rituals — like bedtimes and game night — that you do together.
Positive motherhood is the process helping the child and adolescent to grow and develop in an atmosphere of love and understanding. It is not permissive. It is based on acceptance and effective discipline. It aids the learning process of the child by the use of effective discipline.
This article was developed to help the mothers to learn about behavior and how behavior can be changed in a positive, firm and loving manner. The definition of discipline and punishment will be reviewed. The way to give directions will be dealt with in detail (you can’t give positive motherhood or effective discipline unless you can give clear and understandable directions).
There are certain guidelines for being an effective mother. These guidelines hold true for that mother that desires to be a good mother.
It takes time and effort to be a positive mother. It is too easy to fall back on the way each of us was disciplined. As a good mother we must be willing to learn and to teach what we have learned to our children. As a good mother and a good teacher, we would respect the child and learn to understand the child in relation to the child’s age and emotional development.
To be good and effective mother is a challenge. The result of being a positive mother is to have a child that has a greater capability of becoming an effective, independent, and capable adult.
Be a Good Role Model
- Be the role model your children deserve. Kids learn by watching their parents. Modeling appropriate, respectful, good behavior works much better than telling them what to do.
- Fess up when you blow it. This is the best way to show your child how and when she should apologize.
- Live a little greener. Show your kids how easy it is to care for the environment. Waste less, recycle, reuse, and conserve each day. Spend an afternoon picking up trash around the neighborhood.
- Always tell the truth. It’s how you want your child to behave, right?
- Kiss and hug your spouse in front of the kids. Your marriage is the only example your child has of what an intimate relationship looks, feels, and sounds like. So it’s your job to set a great standard.
Respect parenting differences
- Support your spouse’s basic approach to raising kids — unless it’s way out of line. Criticizing or arguing with your partner will do more harm to your marriage and your child’s sense of security than if you accept standards that are different from your own.
- Don’t Forget to Teach Social Skills
- Ask your children three “you” questions every day. The art of conversation is an important social skill, but parents often neglect to teach it. Get a kid going with questions like, “Did you have fun at school?”; “What did you do at the party you went to?”; or “Where do you want to go tomorrow afternoon?”
- Teach kids this bravery trick. Tell them to always notice the color of a person’s eyes. Making eye contact will help a hesitant child appear more confident and will help any kid to be more assertive and less likely to be picked on.
- Acknowledge your kid’s strong emotions. When your child’s meltdown is over, ask him, “How did that feel?” and “What do you think would make it better?” Then listen to him. He’ll recover from a tantrum more easily if you let him talk it out.
- Boost Brainpower & Physical Activity
- Teach your baby to sign. Just because a child can’t talk doesn’t mean there isn’t lots that she’d like to say. Simple signs can help you know what she needs and even how she feels well before she has the words to tell you — a great way to reduce frustration.
- Keep the tube in the family room. Research has repeatedly shown that children with a TV in their bedroom weigh more, sleep less, and have lower grades and poorer social skills.
- Get kids moving? The latest research shows that brain development in young children may be linked to their activity level. Place your baby on her tummy several times during the day, let your toddler walk instead of ride in her stroller, and create opportunities for your older child to get plenty of exercise.
POSITIVE GUIDELINES FOR LIVING WITH CHILDREN
- “Catch them being good”.
- Frequently monitor your children.
- Let they help you.
- Listen to your child. Every child has a special time to be heard.
- Discipline and enforcement of discipline should be as matter of fact as possible.
- Lectures belong in lecture halls, not in homes. Talking with your child is important.
- Show brief sympathy when you discipline, but don’t give in.
- It is important to show your child or children that you can handle problem situations without losing your cool.
- Be a parent, not a martyr. Find a good babysitter — not as an escape but as a breather.
- Parents are teachers: what you DO is much more important than what you say.
Further reading
The Family Training Program Manual, by E.R. Christophersen, S.K. Rainey and J. D. Barnard. Lawrence, Kansas: University of Kansas Printing Service, 1973.
More fully described in the book Little People: Common Sense Guide Lines for Child Rearing, by Edward R. Christopherson, PhD.
Best, A. L. (2006). Freedom, constraint, and family responsibility: Teens and parents collaboratively negotiate around the car, class, gender, and culture. Journal of Family Issues, 27
Bobel, C. (2002). The paradox of natural mothering. Philadelphia, PA: Temple University.
Elliott, S. (2010). Parents’ constructions of teen sexuality: Sex panics, contradictory discourses, and social inequality. Symbolic Interaction
Hays, S. (1996). The cultural contradictions of motherhood. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.
